Friday, August 17, 2012

Fifty Shades of Something

I cannot seem to get away from Fifty Shades of Grey.  First of all, I will admit, I read it.  I read the first one and could not get through the second one.  I took a break from reading it and read Jennifer Weiner's newest book "The Next Best Thing" and felt like I suddenly gained 100 IQ points and was reading the Harvard Law Review.  The writing in Fifty Shades is not that good.  It's repetitive.  It's not very creative.  I threw in the towel.  It is pretty fascinating, and it's not just the sex.  So, I guess that's why I made it through the first book.  I just couldn't commit to the other two.  Even though I quit the books, I cannot get away from bondage. 

It's following me everywhere. 

I bought $3 handcuffs for Middle Child the other day. 

I heard crying and went to check on him and Baby Girl.  I found her face down criminal style with her hands cuffed behind her back.  After I let her out she yelled "Now, feet cuff me!!"  Oh boy.  I'm raising a bunch of weirdos.

I remember when I was about 10 years old my brother and I played "kidnapper."  So, maybe this fetish fascination runs in our family.  We wore red bandannas over our faces and snuck into each others rooms to steal stuffed animals.  Then we'd tie up the toys, because you know they might get away, and we'd hide them around the house.  Of course, like any good kidnapper, we left ransom notes.  And, we used the maps we drew of our house to hide our victims and plot our next moves.  Yes, we lived in a mansion similar to Ricky Stratton in Silver Spoons, so it was possible we could get lost on our trail of terror.   Those homemade maps were a necessity.

So, my kids come by this desire to trap each other naturally, I guess.  Even the Second Grader got in on the action as I discovered he was hog-tied in the living room......ankles wrapped in bright yellow yarn and hands cuffed behind his back.  Then I realized, they liked to try to escape like Houdini.  They were enjoying this!  I bent over to try and help him out of his little predicament and he screamed "No!!!  I've got this!!"  Yikes.  Okay Christian Grey.

Now Middle Child is wearing his handcuff key around his neck on a lanyard and calling himself the "jail man."  I told him he's actually the warden, but he prefers his own title.  And, at any time of the day it does not surprise me to see a child walking down the hall 'feet cuffed' of their own free will like a member of a chain gang. 

You just never know what you will see at my house.



2 comments:

  1. I just found you from the Sew Many Ways linky party and this post made laugh out loud. I couldn't get through the first book so kudos to you, the writing was just painful. I love Jennifer Weiner.

    I also remember playing kidnapper as a child, I also had this elaborate plan to pretend to be asleep if kidnappers ever came and to make sure to hold on to my teddy bear ao he would be kidnapped with me. LOL!

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    1. Glad I am not the only one who played kidnapper! We also liked to lock each other out of the house and play "Haha, try to get back in!" Thanks for reading!! I just discovered Sew Many Ways and love it!

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