Dinner with my Kids

Before kids, my husband and I used to have a late dinner.....8:00 or 9:00pm.  We would crack open a bottle of wine, eat fancy cheese and crackers.....maybe a small plate of apples and grapes......and cook together.  We'd listen to soft music and pretend to be fancy.  Oh, the life! 

You know what's coming right?

Where to start?  Where to start?  First of all, if you don't have kids yet and are happily married, you may want to stop reading now.  I warn you, if you continue reading, you may ended up waiting until you are 60 years old to have kids....or not.  If you do continue reading, don't worry, because it's different when they are your kids.  It's always fun to sit back and laugh at other peoples' kids....and breath a sigh of relief.  And, before you read, please know that I do love my kids more than anything else in the world, but if I don't laugh about it, I may swan dive off my deck.....kidding! 

My husband works second shift.  So, dinner every night.....me and the kids!  Some of you are already smiling....heeheee crazy lady!  The other night was the most entertaining dinner in the history of all dinners.  First, I got to eat with a half naked ballet dancer.  Unfortunately, it was not Mikhail Baryshnikov.  Baby Girl decided to bless us with her presence wearing only a tutu.....oh, and her face was painted like a doggie.  Woof!  Woof! 

Middle Child also sported doggie face paint.  Everyone wanted to be a dog.  Except the dog, who I think wanted to be able to drive a car and get the heck outta Dodge. 

Baby Girl would not hold still for a picture.  But, as always, Middle Child is camera ready!

Middle Child and The Second Grader began having a private conversation.....it went like this:

Middle Child:  Mom!  Mom! (shouting, because we are sitting 2 oceans feet apart) Can you close your ears?  Do this! (puts hands over ears)

Me:  What?  Why?

Then Middle Child whispers to his big brother and they both crack up.  Here's the deal.  When Middle Child says "darn it" or "darn it sauce" his little sister says "damn it" or "damn it sauce."  I run a classy joint.  So he is trying to see if he can trick his sister into saying this without me hearing him prompt her.  Sneaky! 

To distract them all I announce "Some one's coming over!  They aren't bringing kids and they aren't coming to see you!  But, you better eat or you'll never get to see them!"  Sounds dumb, but they are so curious about this secret surprise visitor that they won't shut up and they start to eat more.  Plus, I have no new tricks up my sleeve.  Maybe that wasn't a good tactic because now they are starting to talk way too much.  The visitor is my friend dropping off a bag of clothes for Baby Girl.  Exciting.  I know. 

All I now hear is this:

Middle Child:  Who is it?!  Who is it?!  Just tell us!

Second Grader:  Is it Liam?  Is it Dylan?  Is it Alex?

Middle Child:  Is it Santa?  The Easter Bunny?

Is it my sanity coming back for a visit?  Who can tell.

This is not working.  There is more spaghetti on the table in front of them than on their plates.  What a mess.  Knock, knock, knock.....my friend is at the door!  And, I can feel spinach salad stuck between my teeth....fabulous.  Plus I have wine breath.  Nice touch.

Looking like a hillbilly, I answer the door with my topless ballerina dog girl in tow.  My friend has three kids.  She understands.  The 1,536,899 LEGO covering the floor do not phase her.  She does not even comment on the topless ballerina dog girl except to tell her she is beautiful.  I want to hug her.  I want to hug her and not let her leave because I need another adult at the moment.

After she leaves Baby Girl and I go through the clothes.  She proclaims them "Super cute!!" as she holds every skirt up to her skinny legs and gasps.  I think of my friend who has two boys and wants a girl so bad and say to myself "Oh yes, you do need a girl." 

The spaghetti is starting to dry on the table.  The smell of garlic is heavy in the air.  My bottle of wine is empty.  *Sigh*  The boys have abandon the LEGO on the floor and are on the computer.  I am so tired, but start cleaning.  Obviously, we need to revisit the chore charts.  Just the other day The Second Grader complained of not having any money.  I told him he needed to do some chores.  He whined and said "I just can't help it!  I'm too lazy!!"  Points for honesty, I suppose.

It's not always like this.  Tonight we had teriyaki steak kabobs and everyone polished their plates.  As I type this The Second Grader is reading "Island Boy" to Baby Girl as she sits on his lap.  They have cleaned up half of the toys in the living room on their own....still waiting for the other half.  But, it's progress!